Been living under the same roof, with the same people since almost a year, without any choice? How does that feel? Congratulations, you’ve come this far without killing each other! Yes, I’m talking about your parents 😀
But let’s face it. We’ve all had our less than perfect times. Days with arguments that are endless, sometimes challenging to get out of. I’ve had those, I’m pretty sure you’ve had it too. In fact, as I write this, there are high chances I’m currently facing one of those. Of course, we’re a family so we manage to get through every situation: however tough it may seem, but no matter what anyone tells you, doing it the right way matters. Again, I’m no expert, but I am definitely speaking from experience. Here’s how you can tackle a grumpy parent or get out of an argument in a more seamless, and less messy manner.
Step 1: Keep your calm: You need their approval on something, and you’re sure they’re going to disagree, but it’s important to you so you ask anyway. Shortly, an argument starts. You strongly feel like you’re right, but they, of course have a whole different set of opinions. You want to shout, you want to scream, you want to bring the house down, after listening to them. I’d strongly suggest, don’t. Keep your voice down, stay calm, even if your parents are screaming. Stay silent, and hear them out.
Step 2: Get on their side: Try to understand where they’re coming from, and why they’re feeling what they are. They are your parents. There’s no one in the world who knows them better than you do, and the only one who can solve this situation, is you. Step into their shoes, view the story from their point of view. Think, if you were in their place, if you were a parent, what would your concerns be? Now, proceed accordingly. Chart out possible scenarios, possible questions that they’d have, and try to give them the answers they need. Be the listener here. Hear them out and give them a chance to express their thoughts. If needed, therapise a little. Like I’ve said in one of my posts earlier, I strongly feel that anyone can, and there’s no problem at all, if you’d ever want to. (Refer: https://holaadulthood.com/index.php/2020/08/30/mental-health-do-you-need-to-be-an-expert-to-help/).
Step 3: Give it Space: You’ve heard them out, you’ve understood what they’re saying. At least one of you is calm, but are they still angry? Is there still some tension in the atmosphere? Give it some time then. Let them rest their minds, take a break from the topic. Give them chance to think, take a breather. It’ll help them take this on with a fresher approach. Who knows? It might help you too.
Step 4: Presenting your point: This is the most critical part, and there’s so much I have to say about this. You’ve heard them out, you’ve given them a chance to vent, to voice out their concerns, and even given them space to breathe and think. It’s surely easier, so don’t blow this. Start presenting what you honestly feel. Remember to stay calm the whole time. (Here’s something that might help: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/productivity/10-tricks-successful-people-use-stay-calm-stressful-situations.html). If harsh thoughts come to your head, don’t let them get to you. Find a way to present them in the most mellow way possible. Make sure you take their points into consideration and say what you have to say. If you think saying something will make you regret it later, make sure you don’t say it. If anything that they said to you makes more sense than what you did, and it is your fault, be honest. Accept it and move on. Don’t be obstinate and let your pride take over. It’ll just worsen things.
Step 5: Spend time together:Â Congratulations! You’ve made it this far. You’ve managed to clear the major roadblocks in front of you, achieved points of parity, and sorted out something that seemed almost impossible earlier. This is something that is surely worth celebrating together. Sit with your parents and do something that they like. Watch a retro movie, for example, or listen to their favourite music together. Bond with them, show them how much you care, show that your relationship is not limited to a trivial fight. (Here’s something that might help. Because it’s truly not. This is one of the greatest connections we have, the greatest bonds, and we should never give them up. Always, always cherish it.
